Autumn's Soul

lately, the love of our modern life
became a joke
people don’t ask anymore
about pure love
all they want to know
is what you own
no one here alive
coming with deep thought
~ but I couldn’t help myself
from interfering
I had a question for them
that I had been powerless to move
I couldn’t escape it
~ the question tied
itself to my soul
~ I had to ask
if for no other reason
then to feel the eyes

“Are we losing the meaning of what love is?”
or are we carrying wounds and revenge
or perhaps we never learned
what true love is
because I am afraid we are passing
very wrong beliefs

and to discover the
moving answers
will make us new
if we just let the true
in it’s the sacred flow

let’s learn again how to be so very quiet
let’s learn again how to be so very still
let’s learn again how to be so very simple
while we can remain whole again

Let’s not speak in any language

Let’s not pretend that we know

Let’s wait for the silence

To make its way home

Let’s wait how time

disappears when you don’t count anymore

Let’s forget all the games

to catch the real love

Let’s not wait for money

to bring us close

Let’s not count how much things

everyone owns

Let’s not wait for a a big house

to call it home

Emma: While the moon is still up, I just can’t sleep. This unexpected cold that walks through my bones makes me drink hot tea all night. I’ll warm my veins, and I’ll see what happens. But I have this desire, to ask you. Tell me, Frank. Are you happy now?

Frank: I am not. What do you think, Emma?

Emma: Let me make a scene about man that’s not happy but lives like he is. A man with jokes in his pockets, music in his heart, and wine in his veins. Cold soul and blood. Dark eyes that can shine on each moonlight. Never afraid to lose anything. Never tried to turn fire on and off. Easy as a late autumn wind. You’ll always remember him if he walks into your life. Happy and sad. Melancholic. Watching the world like he created it. Empty diversity. With the perfect shape of any personality. Lived life as he can die any second. Never late. Careful. Gentle. Never learned how to smile. Lost everything in a moment. Found peace where he never expected it. Walks alone. Sleeps alone. Eats alone. I think you are happy, Frank. But you don’t know yet.

Frank: I guess I am. Tell me, Emma. You and I should say a good-bye for a little while?

Emma: I suppose so, sir.

Frank: And how do people perform that ceremony of leaving? Teach me, I am not quite up to it.

Emma: They say, “bye” or any other form they prefer.

Frank: Then say it.

Emma: What must I say, sir? I wasn’t intending to leave you, why would I say such a thing?

Frank: Because you are not intending to stay either. You’ll do nothing more than say bye?

Emma: It is enough, sir; as much good will may be conveyed in one hearty word as in many.

Frank: Very likely; but it is blank and cold.

Emma: Saying good-bye is a little like dying. Ultimately, it is not because of this or that we part from a person. You know how good-bye feels. How the air gets excited when all its ions and electrical charges are disrupted, first by the intent to leave and later by the leaving itself. Then, when the bodies move away through space, they create empty pockets where feelings get caught and eddy around in the vacuum, creating little vortices of relief or sadness or confusion.

Frank: Then never say that, Emma.

If his love was as living in a perfect house
where it never feels like home
why did you choose to stay for?
in those empty and flimsy walls
Holding yourself together
like you meant to be perfect
If his words were unkindly ripping off your existence
making your small, and never felt your resistance
If his touch was leaving footprints of dust on your bones
like a broken piece of glass damaging your soul walls
If his breath was destroying your freedom
If his kiss made from ice
was leaving bruises on your delicate lips
every single time, paying your price
If his love was holding you
like you hold against an old book
that you eternally know
you’ll never read it again
If his love was like a weak fire
that never made you feel wanted
walking on this earth like you are haunted
Tell me, you not him
Why did you stay?

Pour me some autumn in my veins

so I’ll remember from where I came

I never was good at summer anyway

but for some reasons, I stayed

I need autumn to remind me

how the root of our existence

can change

how the wind can be gentle

and how drastically can change

I need autumn to remind me

how life is never the same

nor people stay this way

As if what wanted to say the most
would be lost in the saying
because we all are seeking like ghosts
the wrong life meanings
As if what I wanted to say the most
would be running slightly between my voice
wherever the silence goes
we feel an uncomfortable feeling
If I wanted to say the most
would be falling apart from my fingers
The world never learned what is love
and that’s a harmful as believing
As if I wanted to say the most
would be louder than silence alone
the world never stops the “thinking”.

midnight poets

are waiting for the world

to fall asleep

so they can create another world

they’ve waited all day to catch something

a little tiny feeling

a gaze

a sad smile

a broken heart

a letter of love

a song

a laugh

so they can make ART

I found a new life
the one that was giving me the second time
no one got my soul right as the ocean did
I found a new life,
the one that death was so close
nothing else could show me
what I fear the most

in that last second of your life
only one thing keeps you alive
like a rope hope
that’s the people you love

I wasn’t looking for love
Because I eternally have found
only broken pieces inside my bones
only sad smiles inside my spine

And my soul is so cloudy from carrying it all
How not lose my ground?
But he found me,
I had to destroy books
To ask and concede if he could love me
Without me letting him in first
To find if he sees me the same
He asked me: Do you want to live it all?
Or watch how your ego burns everything inside you
I said I’d willingly try to hold on to you forever
Because I know that I will love you
And I’m not letting go
If your eyes darken above you
I’ll hang the starts, for you to glow
I never saw my broken heart
The way you showed me now
Some wounds will never pass
But I know there’s nothing I’ll ever find better
holding you close
feels like home
I wasn’t lookin’ for you
But you found me

This autumn seems never to end

silently watching us

how summer is burning our lips

when we talk, when we walk

There is no space between our souls

when we hold our bodies

with the last hope

that our fire will never be thrown in the river

irrationally we keep thinking

Would this feeling ever go away

Would we look at each other

forever this way

But this moment, right now

it feels so intense

touching every single cells

of what we call life

covering thousands of wounds

burned in our minds

And while walking on the edge

we keep asking

why do we fall inlove

when we expected the least

and why are we watching how silence

is dancing under our skin

until we can’t hold anymore

and explode