On Sundays she wakes me up, to make sure it’s me.


In this house where you holding secrets
Are these the walls of a broken house?

show me the parts of you
you are not that proud of
because I’ve seen and I’ve seen you
and I could watch you for the rest of my days
Tell me that every time you touch me
you feel my pain
deep down where my roots are
everything inside of me is screaming
everything inside of me is alive
everything inside of me is living
the best softly painful life
Tell me how you have the same stitches
on our blind hearts that promise not to fail us
no one will ever find out how we broke our first promise
just tell me what you want me to feel
just tell me what I am supposed to feel
Tell me how you love me
because your art is killing me softly
the way you kiss me between
the way you feel me, stay still
they way you slowly count time
the way you measure my breath each time
don’t let that get away from you

Tell me what you never said out loud
say my name
but shh, don’t tell the world
They would take me from your fingers
Or they would try, they would try
until we both give up
on what we wished to have




Aren’t we suppose to be free?
That free as no change can hurt us
And the power of now
Sinks in our mind
Million of times

Aren’t we suppose to be free?
That free as our bones hurts
Because we never stopped running

Aren’t we suppose to be free?
So free as no house can tell us
Where and when we feel like home




picture:”Silent ghosts”by laura-makabresku  

No evidence on her body.

d33dtde-72ec72c7-e6a7-4a79-ad9c-87c2721c3f19For those of us who chose to stay silent
and their truths hurts us more
because it’s a lie
For those of us who’s story was never heard
Because nobody ever cares to ask

For those of us who live at the shoreline
standing upon the constant edges of decision
crucial and alone
for those of us who cannot indulge
the passing dreams of choice
who love in doorways coming and going
in the hours between dawns
looking inward and outward
at once before and after
seeking a now that can breed
like bread in our children’s mouths
so their dreams will not reflect
the death of ours:

For those of us
who were imprinted with fear
like a faint line in the center of our foreheads
learning to be afraid with our mother’s milk
for by this weapon
this illusion of some safety to be found
the heavy-footed hoped to silence us
For all of us
this instant and this triumph
We were never meant to survive.

And when the sun rises we are afraid
it might not remain
when the sun sets we are afraid
it might not rise in the morning
when our stomachs are full we are afraid
of indigestion
when our stomachs are empty we are afraid
we may never eat again
when we are loved we are afraid
love will vanish
when we are alone we are afraid
love will never return
and when we speak we are afraid
our words will not be heard
nor welcomed
but when we are silent
we are still afraid
afraid we will be misunderstood

For those of us who reached for help
without the rights to protect ourselves
Blamed that this was a selfish way
If you chose your life in anyway

For those of us whose body got bruises
and those without marks, and are no way to prove it
With wounds that are screaming each night before sleep
Trying to hide all we can, down, deep
Afraid of the vulnerability the world could see
Afraid that we won’t ever be free.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I changed the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” –Rumi.


There are few important things I’ve learned this year.

  1. Life is not easy.
  2. Love your life in any aspect. Love the fact you failed or won. Love everything about you. Love your pain. Love your silly laugh. Love the fact you wake up 3 times at night. Love!
  3. Don’t fight your feelings. Know that your feelings are not you. Watch your feelings each time they come and play on your garden soul, watch them carefully and let them do it. Once you accept them you’ll see how their effect changed.
  4. Choose yourself first.

  5. Hug people with love and positive energy.

  6. Some of us carry trauma, if you don’t heal that wound, life will bring that back.

  7. Love is dedication, love is kind, is a full time job that no one gets paid. I’ll have to work on that.

  8. It’s up to you how you let people treat you.

  9. Don’t let anyone take your freedom and independence, not matter how big their comfort is.

  10. Being a mother is the hardest job ever, but the fact you raise a human, makes me feel unstoppable.

  11. Leave the house that has no love and build another one.

  12. There are times in your life when you’ll hit the bottom, when nights and days will fight, when your soul will be wounded, almost dead. In that time keep a window clean to watch who is coming with help.

  13. Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself because you allow them to hurt you. Because you loved to much or you didn’t. Forgive yourself because they left you. Forgive the pain and stress that dose not let you sleep. Forgive the mornings you never wanted to wake up. Forgive the tiredness that makes you blind. Forgive that no one asked you how you really feel. Forgive that people blame it on you. Forgive the fact no one showed you how to stop the circle of abuse. Forgive your parents who carried the same trauma and gave the same to you. Forgive that you chose abuse. Forgive that your daughter saw it all. Forgive yourself that you decided to leave forever.

  14. Be proud of all the things you handled. Be proud of who you are no matter of the assumptions. Be proud of you.

  15. No matter what you have, there is always YOU, a person that can handle each dark side of the life. Don’t lose that.

  16. And the big lesson is I began to ask each time: “What’s the worst that could happen to me if I tell the truth? Our speaking out will irritate some people, get us called bitchy or hypersensitive and disrupt some dinner parties. And then our speaking out will permit other women to speak, until laws are changed and lives are saved and the world is altered forever.Next time, ask: What’s the worst that will happen? Then push yourself a little further than you dare. Once you start to speak, people will yell at you. They will interrupt you, put you down and suggest it’s personal. And the world won’t end. And the speaking will get easier and easier. And you will find you have fallen in love with your own vision, which you may never have realized you had. And you will lose some friends and lovers, and realize you don’t miss them. And new ones will find you and cherish you. And you will still flirt and paint your nails, dress up and party, because, as I think Emma Goldman said, “If I can’t dance, I don’t want to be part of your revolution.” And at last you’ll know with surpassing certainty that only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth. And that is not speaking.

  17. People will always hurt you. Push you. Cheat on you. Beat you. And then blame all on you. You have two choices, one is to protect you and the second one is to forgive them. Because your peace won’t make them happy either, but what they think and feel is not your job.
    II have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood.

If anyone will ever ask me, would you change anything? I will truly say: I won’t!
My perspective of life might be different, but I’ll chose the same way. Life is what I chose to happen, and I understand that there is always pain, there is always dissatisfaction, disappointment, but those things, those people made me chose the life I want from now on. Thankful to everything what happened in my life I can see, appreciate, chose life, love and kindness. I forgive everyone that with the intention or not, chose to hurt me.
Peace and love to everyone.And yes, one important thing, Emily she is the purest soul on this earth!


A letter to my daughter, the one I wished to receive from my mother.


A letter to my daughter, the one I wished to receive from my mother, and the one my mother wished to receive from hers, because there weren’t times for that .”

I am here for you, any time, and all the time you need. Forever. Just call me “mom”, and I’ll stay as long you want me to stay. I will shine over you, be you, be me.
I know how you feel each inch of me. You know me, as you created me and I created you. I know when you don’t sleep at night.
I can’t hide how I feel, it’s not easy to hide anything from you as you see me with the purest eye of your soul. We are a bond of energy that only survives together. Our love is beyond the earth, sky, people. Our love will last for decades, for decades my darling!I promise this hug, this hug right now heals my root, my wounds. There is your energy that is responding to mine, you and me. We are providing a two way street energy.

I’ll protect you over and over again because I made this promise to the universe, to life!
I’ll be a wall that never breaks
I’ll be your light when there is no one
I’ll walk with you in the darkness if there is
I’ll be your source of energy and happiness
I’ll teach you how to forgive and walk away
I’ll teach you how to love again
I’ll cry with you when you want to cry
I’ll be strong when you want to be weak
I’ll hold you close whenever you want
I’ll heal your pain when your bones hurts
I’ll suffer in silence so you can’t see
I’ll be whatever you want me to be
I’ll carry you all day and all night
I’ll never tell you how tired my body is
I’ll play with you and be surprised
To everything you call life
I’ll chose you over them all
And I’ll chose me to teach what’s self love

Because you are love, you are love my daughter and love never breaks. Listen to people, everyone has something to say but no everything is important. Don’t hold on things, feelings, or people. None of them, defines who you really are. You’ll see through the life when all of them collapse.Be there and allow to happen, and leave as soon it dose not feel right. Always, but always choose you. Because through you you can give life.Love life the way I love you. Love this life. Dance, sing, cry, laugh, fall. I’ll watch you with patience my baby.Look at the life the way I look at you every morning.
Wake up your life the way you wake me up 🙂!
I’ll teach you everything I missed. Or we will learn everything together. Chose love, no matter what. Never give all of you. Never give up on your independence even if comfort sounds like a lot of fun. Always keep clean your part of the bedside. Take time for yourself, often. Don’t compromise. Know your respect.
Be modest. Be elegant. Be you. Don’t let the society to influence you.
Under my arm I’ll always protect you, and teach you how you need to protect yourself.
And today, no matter how much pain I carry, know that holding you in my arms, my soul is healing. Know that our love is powerful. Know that there is magic in life. And know how grateful I am. Everything I need is you being happy. We are blessed my love, very blessed.

Blind lovers


so tell me what your love feels like

when you have a blind heart

happy or sad?


-but it will break your heart

-already broke

Let me sleep in

I am tired of my misery

And I would like you

To love me

but give it to me

everything at once

so there isn’t time for me to remember

who you are not

This is the night when these woods breathe

my past is eating me from the inside

could you please stay silent for once

oh, and baby, there is no future between us

numb my pain as you will never understand it

Turn down these noises inside my head

Lay down with me tell me no lies

and wait.



picture: “Long evenings in my room.” by laura-makabresku