Is within you.

white dandelion flower
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My grandfather used to tell me every time he had a chance:

“The answer is within you, is all within you”.

We all carry lessons, words, wounds, that at some point in our life they show up.

Everything we are seeking is within us. However, we got this broken society, raising us. Coming to this world, as pure joy, that doesn’t know anything except that we are happy and we enjoy life as it is. No matter what. But, somehow a false wake up call is shaping us and telling us” we must dress this way, we must speak this way, we must learn this way, we must follow the rules, we can’t laugh this way, we need to love this way, we have to have this way” so now we become something else just to fit it. Shaping every day only to fit it. Carrying this on our shoulders, we are trying everything they tell us but this is not making us truly happy.

They tell us to get married, or have kids, or get the perfect job, the biggest house, the funnies, and coolest friends. More hot girlfriends, more clothes, more things. Wait this is not enough. Two or three houses. A yacht. A boat. Fix your nose, fix your lips. Change the way you smile, change the way you speak.

“This is the world we are living in, this is everyone’s map, this is normal therefore, it’s the truth. No one is questioning, if it’s coming from up there, it must be right. Besides that, everyone on social media looks happy, we need all to do the same.”

Little do we know, that is a lie. A broken lie coming from people that are always living in a time that will never exist, FUTURE. A broken lie that is coming from a society that is on autopilot. A broken lie that comes from people that never ever had a clue of who they really are. A broke lie that comes from people that are driven by their ego.

So we try more to fill our time with temporary things, or people, and with that comes a very deep pain. Because we are questioning, why I have it all and I don’t feel the fulfillment, the happiness people post about it?

And in one day, we collapse. Our beautiful houses, our beautiful bodies, our successful careers, our temporary people, or kids that we raised them at the level of our own consciousness, everything is gone because they did not bring us the promised happiness.

What do we do next? We blame our partners, or on our kids, or on our bosses, or maybe we change the light in the house.

And we lose it all. From the suffering that is burning inside of our veins, comes something beautiful if we let that out…

We all are seeking happiness in people, things, future. Without any clue that is in us. And we all are the same. We all can have that. We don’t need anything, as we are made complete. We are not coming in half as they show us in movies. Our problem is that we don’t know who we are. We got caught in our body-mind levels, and we think: this is it, this is who I am.

The truth is there isn’t any truth. There is only us, and we are a energy capable to connect with nature and become it. We are not our mind or body, therefore everything we desired as body or mind will eventually fail.

Because once we seek that deep level of ourselves, which we all have it. We understand what we are. We find peace. We don’t need anything. We are not our ego, our body. There isn’t any more fear. We are not attached to people. We live the life God gave it to us. We live the one life, the strongest, the purest, the lasting. We know that we are capable to love everyone the same way we love ourselves. With that, we build a home in our hearts, we become God in every choice we make. We live every second as it is. We don’t suffer anymore. We accept life as it is. We choose love as the one and forever, and if that love goes away, we keep the same light towards it. We never become hate. We reconnect with the universe, the way we did as when we were kids, and then we discover how a wonderful root of a tree can make us, so happy.

And if we travel this way, and we found ourselves, we become only a light, full of vibrance and energy, and from there, nothing else will matter then life itself.

Who Am I?

cropped-dsc0855.jpgTo seek yourself is to have found yourself, for now. And now is all we have. The future and the past is happening now.

Who am I?

Oh, if only that was easy to say. I have days when I know the best who I am. I have days when I lost myself again.

I can tell people for hours and hours who I am not. But even that who knows If it’s the truth.

We are not mean to know who we are. I think this is a process, a life long process. Imagine in one day waking up and thinking “I know who I am”, and then life can ask “ are you out of your mind” life is not ending now. There is more pain, there is more experience, there are more relationships and people that will come and teach you something new, about yourself about others, about life itself.

Anyway.. why is that sometimes when I am alone I truly feel that I know what I am, and when I am with people is different?

What Am I?
Are the spoken words that comes from my mother’s ego, me?

Are my wounds that are screaming inside of my soul walls, scratching everything inside me, is that who I am?

Are the lies I said when my heart was too happy, is what I am?

Or is it my thoughts?
Or the broken hearts I have on my shoulders?
Or how many people I made sad or happy?
Who Am I?
Is the voice inside me, telling people what they want to hear?
Are the words inside of me I never told?
Are the butterflies that trying to take me somewhere where isn’t true?

Or maybe my mistakes, that I make over and over?

Who Am I?

Mommy.Student.Sister, daughter, friend.Coworker. Writer.

Are those things defining me as a person?

What AM I?

I am energy. I found myself. I found what I was looking for. I found ME. And I am in the whole universe.

I am afraid of people I love. I am afraid of being wrong over and over again. I am tired of being strong. I am tired to pretend that I have it all. I don’t. I am full of light. It’s burning inside everything. I am full of wounds, the one that never grew up. I am alone. I love it. I am sensitive, I give love easily and I get hurt. But I give it anyway because this is who I am. I love to be hugged, not by everyone, but the one I choose. I love pain. I love to laugh. This is me, the little girl from my childhood that was laughing, always even when people hurt her. I am still here. I get everything I truly need, not want. I have ink instead of blood. I am born to inhale words. But I always hurt myself by not writing every day. Because when I write my soul is touching the universe in one second what people live in years. I am hungry for books, peace, love, mountains, and silence. And I have something with the woods. Moon is the light that is reflecting on my nights. The starts are always fascinating to me. I’ve been broke, in and out. Currently working on my damaged heart. But somehow managing to get hurt again. When I am awake, my ego is sleeping next to me, he knows that he can’t bother me now. I need to love him and accept him that he will be always here to damage everything so I can fix and learn and cry.

There is a purpose for him in my life, maybe for me to notice him. Isn’t it true? Maybe my ego is so selfish because I never saw him, and now that I do, he wants me to take control of him.
I don’t believe in the idea of owning people’s hearts or having them working on my own happiness. But my ego always wants that.

I believe that kids are therapy for the heart. Their laugh. Oh, my Emily!

I love life!

Right now is all I have, and right now I found my peace.