Don’t fall in love with a writer.

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Don’t fall in love with a writer
because you’ll never find a way to survive,
In this love that has no eyes.
We don’t love bodies
for the sake of their shape
we take each inch of them
until their bones
and feel them in thousands of words
in hundreds of books
we love you with the deepest part
we inhale you
we take you to our roots
we give you your eternity of you
we take you as you
the one that you don’t know that exist
and when we love,
we love you in anyways, that our veins hurt
with fire, with honesty

But…

Don’t fall in love with a writer
because we will spend a lifetime
trying to find the perfect way,
to describe how you left us
In anyway

Don’t fall in love with a writer
we will torture your spirit
without even going there.
that you’ll never keep the sparkle
under the light of a thousand stars

Don’t fall in love with a writer
we will hang you up on the moon
while every star is watching
and tell the universe about the feeling of your touch
and about the butterflies that you created in our veins
And then we will tell with sadness
how you destroyed every centimeter of them
we will endure you under the sun
so you get burn with every word
that finishes in ” I don’t”.

Don’t fall in love with a writer
because if you tear our soul
we will be drowning in silence
until your ears go deaf
we’ll use our revenge
and our grief
and the explosion of them both
to make swords of all the words you said
we will take the blood you lost
and paint everything that is yours
to leave you with a reminder of what you did

Don’t fall in love with a writer
we will suck your blood and use instead of ink
until you got nothing to give
and send to people you loved
as a beautiful memory of your soul

Do not fall in love with a writer
because once we are destroyed
the world will see the damage you can cause
the bruises left on lips
the tear-stained cheeks
the bones you broke
the lies we carry on our spine
the empty holes in our skin that you’ve touched
the dark cycle under eyes
the sadness in our words

Don’t fall in love with a writer
we will keep you walking on our immortal heart
every night
until your tissues aches
to show you what it means
to use and play with our words
and each word will be saved in our draft
but you’ll never survive from our box of trash.

The rhapsody of rain.

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Pour some rain on my wounds

Deep down on my river full of scars,

Pour life on ends that never woke up

Deep down in my soul wound

Turn on the music of this rain

Make it loud, so loud

That you will never hear again

How my soul is screaming from pain

Pour life on my dead hopes

Deep down to the routs of childhood

If you touch me there,

The world can go deaf and blind

Turn on this music of rain

I promise you’ll wake the numb part

Numbed for years

Because no one was there.

Rain is coming always to save me.

Pour some life on my wounds

Let the rain wash it all

Only if the pain could faster

Go, go away

Nothing that I know

Is true,

Is this pain clearly seen through?

 

picture : LaGrebbe

The soul that sees beauty may sometimes walk alone.

“The soul that sees beauty may sometimes walk alone.” – JOHANN WOLFGANG VON GOETHE

 

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If we are lonely when we are alone, we are in bad company. And that’s when we need to change the direction of our thoughts, soul, life.

It’s beautiful to be alone. It’s peaceful, it’s right. It is normal, and it’s important.

Most of the time, we are so afraid to be alone. Sitting, sleeping, eating, walking… or doing anything or nothing with ourselves..we feel uncomfortable, something is not right. Because we have beliefs, wrong ideas about what life is and what makes us happy. Who taught us ever that being alone is healthy for our mind, body, and soul?
Because our roots are dirty with the beliefs, wrong beliefs about life, we are feeling abandoned, or not important, if we are alone. So we start looking, for moments, for adventures, for anyone, anything, whatever comes. We start losing ourselves in the new feelings that could numb the old ones. But it’s never enough. We hang on anything that occurs in our way, but none of that we truly need.

I took a break today, I disconnected from anything. It was me, 10 miles biking. I could pay attention to how I breathe, what my mind is telling about what I see. I could make my own decision to stop or not. I listened to myself and my own reflection in our nature. I was looking at what I am and what nature is. We both connect so deeply.
Coming back I understood that I took something from this trip. Nature welcomed my soul and let me go. How simple. The same way, with us. People.

Don’t hold people in your life if you don’t need them, let them in and out, the same way nature does to us.
I never realized that everything I am is enough, and how much beauty can come from being alone.

I always thought that being alone means being unhappy, it was a  comment as simply a word game — clever but ultimately false at its core.  It’s taken many years to finally understand the truth. We are never so alone as when we are lost, unfulfilled in our dreams and visions, and untrusting in our own inner counsel.

come back…to me..to you!

 

imagine :Reflections at Drum Bridge

The silence of moonlight.

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As I started to walk endlessly from you in the moonlight,
I understood:
I was never good at goodbyes.
I could feel something under my bones,
Just hurting to take a last look.
I had an intense desire to see if you were still there.
After I voluntarily uncovered my injured soul to you,
Bitter at such an early stage,
To see a bandaged innocent soul.

So I looked behind me.

I concluded why I looked into your eyes :
Your dark eyes were so mysterious,
So gentle and inviting that my heart melted.
I was trying to look deep into your thoughts,
Deep into your mind,
Trying to see what was in your heart.
But I could find many things that could make me shake.
And what hypnotized me most was that
You were looking at me in the same passion.

So I stopped and turned fully around.

I kept thinking to myself:
Why can’t I find someone like you?
You’re unusual than the rest of them.
Would it be too weird?
I can’t do this to you, can I?

What made me let go of my past and have a future:
It’s like you were holding a mirror approaching me
So the reflection of the moon,
Could get through the broken parts of me,
And shine.

I walked away, but he held my hands and whispered:

Takes a lot of energy to stay that profoundly beautiful and to glow over that much darkness, as the moon does.
Or you!

“Imagine by Laura M.”

How little you know about happiness, you comfortable people.

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Happiness depends on ourselves, simple as that. OK. You didn’t get it. Say it again. And again. And again. You’ll get it eventually.

I’ll never understand, why we want to be so much loved if we are not able to love ourselves enough to be happy. I’ll never understand why do we think that we are not enough to live this life alone.

There is a short answer, that no one wants to agree with. “You don’t love yourself”.

Why people walking on this life feel broke, unhappy, disappointed, miserable, lonely? Why do they keep having this hope that there is a happy ending story waiting for them and the only one who can change whatever they feel is their soulmate?

Meeting your soulmate it’s a really special moment. You always want to shine on your dates. Don’t you? And if you are having an empty heart, hollow body, numb soul, and if behind your eyes there is more darkness than a blind man can see, if you soul bleeds every night when you go sleep. Do you really want to share a bead full of pain? Behind your fake smile, you become a vampire that is ready to suck all the life from your soulmate. You’ll kill him/her even if you lie that its love.

A love story, because of the intensity of feelings, presents to you your most raw and vulnerable. You get down to the heart of yourself. It’s not pretty. It’s not happy. It’s not bright and shiny. it’s messy. And it’s painful. And it’s an identity crisis. A mirror showing you every part of yourself you’re ashamed of, that you hate about yourself, that you wish you could hide away. It’s nakedness. It’s beautiful. And it’s miserable.

Date yourself, take yourself for dinner, for a dance, for a movie, for long, but long walks. Find out what you enjoy to do. Cry and look at you from the corner that no one looks. Laugh so bad that people around you will call you crazy. Dance so deep, as your bones make love to your muscle. Teach yourself, something new, every single day. Take long, but long walks that your feet hurt. Don’t say anything for a day, week, see how that feels. Forgive yourself. Do it again, and again. So you create a connection, so you feel butterfly every morning when you look in the mirror. Talk to you, ask why, how, and when. Make love to you, spiritually and physically. See what is your extreme, where you want to be touched, how you want to be. Create that connection that whoever comes in your life will never be able to unplug it. Whoever comes in your life will become a guest to admire your own paradise, and you will welcome it with a wised heart, patience soul, and the same way you’ll let them go, knowing always that happiness is only about you. 

You don’t need anyone to be  happy, but you might want to share your light, your ocean of art that lives in your veins, you might want to share the beautiful, innocent smile, you might want to share and give in a pure way, a little bit from love that you have for yourself.

Before meeting the one, you already should carry a tremendously heavy soul, full with love, isn’t that how you are gonna give it? Do not give it all, and people that want all of you, they are unhappy people that will dry your inspirations, that will unplug you from your soul. Run from them, as soon as they ask all of you.

When you love yourself, there is a neverending river inside of your blood, there is so much energy around your body, that you’ll never get bored, alone, or sad. Imagine yourself as you are the man/woman you always dreamed of, then why would you be so sad with yourself? I know it’s the way we were built with this wrong illusion that at a certain point you’ll win it all. It doesn’t like this, it never did.

Happiness is not in the heart of the best relationship you ever had, or in the luxury things you own, is just an art of your own soul. We all can have it.

 

 

 

 

 

To my fingers’symphony, or Piano’Soul.

Piano Man by Slinkster-Bat

There is such a piano epidemy that no one wants to talk about, just a few people survive. We don’t choose them, this mysterious instrument chooses us. Once is in your blood, your life is poised with a forever art, that can’t be healed. We all have a piano inside of our soul, but not all of us can go so deep and see.

I met a Piano’s soul last night . I have this feeling that I met him in another life. My soul recognizes him. His fingers makes love with the piano. There is not need to be jealous. Some people can’t hear the screams of his soul, as it is a background that he is trying to cover with the music he makes. Wait, is not just music. Is a way for his soul to heal, clean, love, find the peace. He has tied piano strings to his heart so that every time it beat it didn’t sound so empty inside. As soon he is there, playing it, there is not a body anymore, or this world living whatsoever, there is his naked soul, fragile, crying, screaming. He feels cold, hot, lost, fulfilled, there is a life that he is giving to his piano’s soul. Each key is an emotion, a life that he makes, healing sound for the ears of his heart, deep feelings of him. He will start soft, like summer rain, or gentle as a kiss under the moonlight, but he’ll always end as a storm, harsh words, so deep as you watch two bodies on fire, feeling each inch of the love he makes it. He can’t take half, he wants it all.  For each note ended broken, and every key was abused, loved, pressed too hard. His soul riched the sky.

Can you feel the silence of his own exhausted breath, and can you feel how his piano is resting with him in this dark and empty room? Do you hear the echoes of the walls that can’t talk, still can feel?

I’ll learn how to listen to his silence between his innocent smile, and make my own story. Not sure if it feels good to know that this story is gonna be here forever.

Shhh..don’t say anything. We all create art in our own ways. Just close your eyes and watch with me, everything they can’t see, listen and feel it.

Close your eyes, God knows how much space is between his souls.

His eyes are like full moon on late September, with sadness in the corner that no one looks. His eyes are just a clean mirror of his soul, a deep ocean after a storm trying to calm down. Looking into them is like making art. Would he be able to keep the sparkle from his eyes forever? This ocean of him that no one learns how to swim. Would I be able to see him forever, the way I saw him this night ?

I am not afraid that it won’t happen,

I am afraid that will happened and past

As sometimes a star just falls and extinguish.

 

My Emily.

24f0c106-060c-4f8c-acae-ac4a1d393421It took me a while to post about her. Because sometimes when you love someone with such a power, you are doing in silence, without sharing.

The most beautiful things in life don’t have a price. We can’t buy them. We can’t see them. It is more an ability to embrace a feeling from the root of your own heart. Once we understand this, we can count more things that bring beautiful aspects of our everyday lives.

If someone ever asks me, what is the most beautiful thing in my life? I’ll say, is not a thing, not a place, is my own creature. I made it, and God, I never knew that will come in such a perfect shape.

On 08-18-2017, I gave birth to the most amazing, beautiful, sensitive, inspirational, and magical girl. My daughter, Emily. I call her a gift of love. I never stop telling her how much I love her. I love her when she wakes up at night when she looks for my hand to massage her when she cries when she wants 24 hours in my arms. I love her when I am extremely tired. I love her when she laughs when we dance, when she started walking, talking. I love her unconditionally, and I don’t ever want it back.

The first time when I saw her, it was magical, a combination of pain and happiness. A combination of reincarnation. God was touching my soul. I felt that at this moment I either die or become stronger. I created magic on earth and hurts. After that, it wasn’t me anymore, it was US since the day she came to this world. I felt that her skin is my skin, her soul is a piece from mine, her heart is what I live for. She is the one that knows it all, how I am from the inside. My eyes were the only shape of the sea she saw for the first time. I knew it, I had to make it all magical. Since then, I never stopped smiling and praying at night.

She is my world. I never knew that it can ever feel this way. She is beyond beautiful, she is a ray of sunshine that never stops shine. She is a walking soul on this earth. Her innocent smile, the way she looks at things, the way she eats, the way she needs me three times per night, the way she wakes up in the morning. Her smell is a walking spring on my heart, I can’t get enough.

She is a drop of my reflection, a curly blonde hair, blue eyes that whole sky drown in it, and soft, soft skin. She is always happy, even if she falls. At this age she shows me that she is intelligent, she understands me and what I ask for. She is a strong, and super healthy baby. A little bigger for her age. She is what I call home, love, peace, beauty, soul. Every moment I have had with my daughter is precious. I take hours and hours to watch her, to admire her. A little human being is able to change my world, to give so much power, love, and beauty.

Right now, I am the moon and the stars to her. And her to me. She looks at me like I’m the smartest, most beautiful, amazing person she’s ever met. She is always looking for me, and how happy we are when after school or work we see each other again.

There is that kind of love in life, that it so much in your veins that you are afraid, so afraid to lose it. How to describe this kind of feeling? Because it’s an ocean of words, I didn’t learn how to swim yet.

Now, think again? Are the most beautiful things in the world things that you can buy, or visit, or own. It might be, we all are different. For me, is more a feeling, a powerful feeling that last forever, that feels even if you are not around, it is always in your mind. It’s my own creature, that I chose to make. It never stops to grow, and I am in charge to give the light, the love, and the wisdom. 

I believe she is special, and I believe when she grows up when someone will ask her what are the most beautiful things in the world. She will know where to look, in her soul!