For Women Who Are “Difficult” to Love’

Sadness by FabriziaMiliaPhotos
He compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
Says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you to forget you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with the memory of a taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial
he tells you that no man can live up to the one who lives in your head
and you tried to change didn’t you?
closed your mouth more, tried to be softer, prettier, less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him traveling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love? split his head open?
you can’t make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.

I’ll keep it forever.

anina_bird_128_1_by_anina_bird-d64zf43Would it be fair if I don’t say anything right now? Just give me this moment, I swear I’ll keep it forever.
Would it be fair If I don’t say a word, but at the same time there are thousands of words digging in my soul?
Could you tell how come we let this happened? Could we tell that we are wrong?But God, when our soul is touching each other when my skin is his skin when my smell becomes his smell when his lips go down on my neck. Could you tell me what is this? Would it be fair if…
I forgot what this moment looks like, I forgot that can be so strong.
I am afraid to ruin it, I am afraid that will never happen. I afraid to break it.
Shhh..don’t say anything, nothing matters when your there. Stay there, and I’ll take each inch of you. You know how to be with me. Nobody knew. But stay there, let’s drown in a sky full of stars, let’s see how they shine. Stay there, lets breath this crazy air that breaks through our veins.
But stay there, let’s run after our dreams, and laugh if we failed them.
But stay there, just like that, the way I see you, the way I saw you, with light in your eyes and dust in your soul.

I love the way life leaves its mark on our bodies.  Every laugh and smile etched in the crinkles around our souls. We are crazy enough to run after seconds and stay still when hours pour down. We do care, but we don’t build the future. Why? Because we know God has better plans for us.

Our veins are on fire. We forgot who we were. But we found out another version.
Don’t promise anything, but can we just keep this moment forever?

Just words on his mind.

 I declare myself an useless ego, right?

There is nothing new for me under the sun,

Am I wrong again? Who am I?

Or just an empty box with some dusty goals.

Being hungry in your life, remember?

You forgot to ask your old soul, why?

There is a clock, and there is a time,

Please, young soul, live the life.

All this was a long time ago, I remember

Throughout the whole life of us, one must continue to learn to live, and one to die,

And I could live it again, everything again,

With my old soul and a hundred times broken heart,

Down there is my life, running from the bottom of my pots, screaming from the top of my lungs,

Can’t you hear young men?

Are we supposed to find the seeking meaning?

I was borrowed by the wind, with a dead body that does not bleed.

I feel again the propel of life, God made my soul with the 3rd eye,

I followed the rules and made myself blind.

And now I see my life from far away, ridiculous time is playing with you young man,

As you don’t know yet how to play a mental life game.

Don’t blame on others, what you can’t see

Don’t blame on others, what you can’t do,

Because you don’t have time!

Selling a second-hand soul!

Seen by AndreyBobir

I sell my second-hand soul. Old soul. Poised few times. Sick in November. Kidney problems. Heart too big. Blind and deaf. Likes only silence, and maybe sometimes in the mood for wind. Usually does not make sense, but almost all the time active. Low blood pressure, losing contact with earth, at least once a month. Cold all the time. Can be fixed if you believe in it. Screams in his dreams. Strong to break each soul once it falls in love. Can’t run, not anymore. No parents. Looking all the time for light, but chooses darkness to live in. No social media, only nature in his pockets. Broken bones, and not much fluids in his veins. Loves Pinot Noir, but is always on antibiotics. Not hungry for food, but eats breakfast on Ludovic Einaudi music.
Does not sleep at night. In love with the laughing of children. But does not laugh at all. Smiles a few times, with sadness in his eyes. Reads a lot, people, books, time, animals, kids, and nature. Looking for sad people.
Takes bath only in the rainy days of autumn. Hates summer. Doesn’t believe in love, once was broked. Enjoys how people drown in their lies. Sits all the time on the top of the mountain, and watches how ridiculously people waste their times and lives. Owns a home in the woods, and a big library.

It is empty and waisted but can work at nights when everybody sleeps. Rechargeable, with the light of the moon. Full of old dust, beating on the old music that can heal hearts. Hollow.  Absent-minded. there is just an empty echo if you need to scream. Dose not have tears, dry as deserd. Can feel the touch of moonlight, wind, and rain. Very talented to keep silence. Escapes every cave. Can’t live alone.

I am not asking for anything except, healing with natural treatment. Acupuncture might help to kill the numbness if you are lucky. Chinese herbs don’t bother to buy, he been there. Anything you want, if you think can help.

The sad clown of this time.

the_sad_clown_by_aiden_ivanov

Don’t worry little clown with sober world under your eyelash,

Don’t be afraid of your reflection in mirror,

If you can’t take this life without the mask, it’s okay,

Just don’t lose who you are in your mask.

Drown your face in your pure tears,

Paint your sad face in color of happiness,

Cover your body in bandages for open wounds,

And live their life, but not become like them,

And play their game, but not lose like them.

Questioningly he expresses the need he feels to walk by your side

In the crowd that stare at his stupidity

He sees his own reflection

Crying for his rejection

And you laugh.

What a show, a true delight

Cannot be he cries at night!

 

 

President Trump didn’t bought America!

jabba_the_trump_by_gunsmithcat-danq6mt

It’s a big regression for America. Yesterday I was sure that America will chose liberty,democracy,  free society where we are able to make choices, where we are able to respect each others, doesn’t matter if we are white, black, men or women, where you can give individuals freedoms and holding them accountable. Yesterday I was sure that America will never be something that you can buy or sell, that for first she can be history before to be a good economy. I was sure that America will be a good place to make your dreams, but not a dishonest way to make good money.

America wasn’t just country where you can make a really good money, she was another planet if I can say that, planet that had the most perfect form of government, the most exciting sporting events, the tastiest food and amplest portions, the largest cars, the cheapest gasoline, the most abundant natural resources, the most productive farms, the most devastating nuclear arsenal and the friendliest, most decent and most patriotic folks on Earth, where you could discover yourself in a good way, where she pushed you to work for yourself and to forget about self-pity.

But now America will be a great country for white people,middle class-and male, heterosexual, now we know that they can do anything with us ( female) because we won’t be respected anymore.It’s not America’s victory! This is their victory, they won and it’s not funny anymore for rest of us.For America today 11/09/2016 is a degeneration, I can say that.And I don’t know how that could happened.

It’s that way we should learn history in school, not just mathematics. Did America needed that, or to be a country which stands on principles?

America you will never be great again, and I am afraid of those 59,589,821 votes that after all, if the president of the “I can do anything”world can grab a women by the pussy, they will ask why can’t I ?I am afraid that Trump’s ridiculous and vacuous language will be normalized.It may be ridiculous to fighting for a reduction in sexual assault when the president of America doesn’t care and can do whatever he wants. I am afraid of those people that for them it’s more important a economic situation then morale principles.

Maybe there is something that we can take from Trump. He believes that nothing is impossible; that you can do anything, you can be a Reality T.V. star one day and President of the most powerful country the next. So I ask, why should increased gender, racial or religious equality be an impossibility even under a Trump presidency? Today is the type of day we have to say  ‘we may have lost the battle, but we haven’t lost the war’.

Who am I America? A woman who wanted to be respected but start from today I can expect everything from them, and I can’t even say something because my words doesn’t mean anything.

And who you are America?

When Americans say it was great I know it was good. When they say it was good, I know it was okay. When they say it was okay, I know it was bad.And today is the day that we are okay!!

The important job of American voters yesterday was  to determine which hearts, minds and souls command those qualities best suited to unify a country rather than further divide it, to heal the wounds of a nation as opposed to aggravate its injuries, and to secure for the next generation a legacy of choices based on informed awareness rather than one of reactions based on unknowing fear.Read again, and think if that famous “poet” Trump with his poetry was the best choice for America.

I can do anything!

‘I just start kissing them.

It’s like a magnet.

Just Kiss.

I don’t even wait.

And when you’re a star they let you do it.

You can do anything.

Grab them by the pussy.

You can do anything.’

Can he become a real president that America needs ?

 

Don’t run.

dusty_moths_by_nataliadrepina-d9facna

Dear Soul,

I know that with every single day you lose your breath. I am trying to create for you an abyss, maybe you can hide from this world.  If you can wait for me a little longer I will take you in that place where you should be. I can feel that you are afraid of this world, of these fake people who pretend to be real, afraid of this life. I can feel you in every single second. I am afraid too.

I know, you cannot breathe in this city, and I am so scared to lose you. Every single morning has the same reason, and you know that in your place it is autumn almost.  I close my eyes for a moment, in that only moment I feel how time passes through me. The sky dies in every single sunset, the sunset dies in every shade of moon, and I lose myself in the ocean. Just the ocean can listen how my soul sunken and cries out loud.

I can’t escape. Don’t run from me. I will give to you silence from shades of a moon, piano, sky, and ocean, but don’t run. I will give you peace, the one that you have been looking for. I will give you words, in all the languages. I will stay still with you until late, I will be honest and no one and nothing will change me.

I am nothing without you. I’m nothing, just bones. A lonely ghost burning down songs of violence, of piano, autumn, love, and sorrow. I’m just a broken piece.

Sometimes I just can’t breathe without you. I am so scared about this life and how people can use each other. I was used, and still, I have nothing to use. I am down, down.

I am scared that I will never find who I am. Who I am really? One day I will be so tired to wake up. I am so scared that I will never go where I want to be. I am scared to lose my soul.

I feel pain in all my body, like rust that is in all my bones, my veins and breathe even. I feel pain in my mind when I am trying to sleep. I have all my fragile spine broken, all my memories are broken. They ask me to smile, I can hide all my fears, of course, I can.

I know you want to run. If I could, I would run with you. But wait, this city won’t destroy us.

 

Fragile Spine.

slumbering_gloom_by_nataliadrepina-d87em2v.jpg

Avem frageda maduva spinarii, impartita-n spatii cu cutit,

Blestemati sa purtam in spinare, timpul in mii de secole impartit,

Respiratii taiate pana-n pamanturi, ne intalnim in luna si intr-un lac,

Unde seara la sfarsit de viata, ne ingropam cuvintele in veac.

Tu prea trista, obosita-n taina, raspunzi timpului grabit,

Eu mancata de singuratate, n-am nici liniste de apus si rasarit.

Plangem in roua diminetii, ce in soapta cade pe pamant,

Urma ei pe suflet ne tot lasa, amintire noastra si un gand.

Ne luptam in lumi tot diferite, si ne zbatem sa iesim la mal,

Radacini de toamna sufocata, esti spatiul care il mai am.

Si cadem in nostalgia toamnei, ne tot frangem intr-un apus,

Ostenite sa respiram printe cuvinte, sa spunem lumii ce demult n-am spus.

The last letter for my Soulmate.

cropped-dsc0896.jpg

 

Stillness…

May I say something before I go?

I hold my breath, but you keep breathing. How come?

I’ve sent you my letter many times, anyway’s I think the wind took them. Please take this letter in earnest, because I will never write to you again, and not because I don’t have time, but because I am losing my hope in you, catch me soon. Tonight I am looking at the sky, and I feel how every single star has died in my eyes. I am so afraid that you could die at once with them. So afraid that I will never meet you, even if I said that I don’t believe in you anymore. There are probably many people who ponder this question

“Who are you?”. But what really bothers me is if I will meet you, could you be as in our first moment when we saw each other. Can you be soulful for all your life? The one who can fly, be scared, cry, die and live, who can love. The one who is not afraid to leave his body, his priority, who never will be afraid to breathe once with me, without having anything.

And if you can be real, can you promise me that you will never lie to me, that you will be transparent as a teardrop? Can you promise me that you will never give life to words if you don’t feel them in your veins? Can you promise me that you will never hurt my world?

Under my eyelash, I see the world somber, and I am tired of this cloudy sky, with every single day I am so far from believing in your shadow. I am walking alone on this earth, but I can feel your hand hold mine without any space. I know you will always be next to me, because in the night we reflect on the same moon, in the same sky. And the depth in our soul is a big abyss. I don’t know you but I can feel you, I know that I am falling deeply and slowly in your eyes with every sunset. You live under my skin, in my veins, through my bones. Sometimes you can hurt me and I have, in that place rust. But sometimes you can make me as happy as the sky, I don’t want to open my eyes.

I thought about you last night when lighting cut the sky and the sky started to cry. I saw your eyes, clear in my mind, almost as if you were looking right at me. Your voice was in my mind. Your touch was on my skin, almost like you were holding me close, and I felt under my skin every single touch. And I love how you listened to me when I talk about something, about nothing, about everything.

People complain about this life, and they lose time making themselves busy, they look down instead of looking up to the sky, up…to the sun. The world can’t hurt you if you stop seeing the happiness in the sky, in the world around you. We start to be pieces of a scar, walking every day on the same ground with the same tracks.

May I say something before I go?

It’s been a long time that I cannot breathe.

Be there.

 

Mom’, if in someday I won’t find you there, my world will disappear at once with you. Because you are the only one hope in my life that this world can be heal, the only one love, and the only one happiness. Always when I am tired, tired of my scares, of my mornings, of my life, I know immediately that I can run there, with all my soul and I can find you there. There is a different life, silence and love, and just me and you. Can you take me home, mom’? Please? I promise you that I will be so quiet. I don’t want grow up. Stop the time, because it’s hurts.

Don’t ask me how I am in this new life, I will write for you a letter and I will send to you all my feelings, and I will open for you my heart and my soul, but please don’t cry, because I cannot choose the words.

 

Somebody told me that we don’t choose our life. It’s right, mom ? Because you taught me that we make choices. We can make our life happy or sad, we can control everything, every single moment. We staying beside to our success, to our mistakes, to our sadness, to our happiness. Nobody can make choice in your life, if you don’t let this to happens. Who can be responsible of your life, if not you? Who have to care about your life? But sometimes we can have difficult moment , and in that moment, we thing that we are weary.

I been looking to find my life in every single minutes, and I tried to find the answer, and I will never give up until I will find my way, my way for arrive there.

She said that everyone was born to change the world, to be someone, to be everything.Everyone have a place in this life, have their own place, and when in one morning you will wake up with peace, that means that you find already your way, your place, and who you are in this life.

I am not strong enough how I want to be, but when I am done, I didn’t forget how my mother  taught me to feel this life with my closed eyes.And everything it’s going to be allright.

I don’t know who I am yet, but I know for what i was born, and I am still looking for my answer every single day.

Mom’ can you be there any times when I need you and when I will be looking for you.

 

 

My Soul In Silence Waits

For you alone my soul in silence waits — Psalm 62: 1

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