The sad clown of this time.

the_sad_clown_by_aiden_ivanov

Don’t worry little clown with sober world under your eyelash,

Don’t be afraid of your reflection in mirror,

If you can’t take this life without the mask, it’s okay,

Just don’t lose who you are in your mask.

Drown your face in your pure tears,

Paint your sad face in color of happiness,

Cover your body in bandages for open wounds,

And live their life, but not become like them,

And play their game, but not lose like them.

Questioningly he expresses the need he feels to walk by your side

In the crowd that stare at his stupidity

He sees his own reflection

Crying for his rejection

And you laugh.

What a show, a true delight

Cannot be he cries at night!

 

 

President Trump didn’t bought America!

jabba_the_trump_by_gunsmithcat-danq6mt

It’s a big regression for America. Yesterday I was sure that America will chose liberty,democracy,  free society where we are able to make choices, where we are able to respect each others, doesn’t matter if we are white, black, men or women, where you can give individuals freedoms and holding them accountable. Yesterday I was sure that America will never be something that you can buy or sell, that for first she can be history before to be a good economy. I was sure that America will be a good place to make your dreams, but not a dishonest way to make good money.

America wasn’t just country where you can make a really good money, she was another planet if I can say that, planet that had the most perfect form of government, the most exciting sporting events, the tastiest food and amplest portions, the largest cars, the cheapest gasoline, the most abundant natural resources, the most productive farms, the most devastating nuclear arsenal and the friendliest, most decent and most patriotic folks on Earth, where you could discover yourself in a good way, where she pushed you to work for yourself and to forget about self-pity.

But now America will be a great country for white people,middle class-and male, heterosexual, now we know that they can do anything with us ( female) because we won’t be respected anymore.It’s not America’s victory! This is their victory, they won and it’s not funny anymore for rest of us.For America today 11/09/2016 is a degeneration, I can say that.And I don’t know how that could happened.

It’s that way we should learn history in school, not just mathematics. Did America needed that, or to be a country which stands on principles?

America you will never be great again, and I am afraid of those 59,589,821 votes that after all, if the president of the “I can do anything”world can grab a women by the pussy, they will ask why can’t I ?I am afraid that Trump’s ridiculous and vacuous language will be normalized.It may be ridiculous to fighting for a reduction in sexual assault when the president of America doesn’t care and can do whatever he wants. I am afraid of those people that for them it’s more important a economic situation then morale principles.

Maybe there is something that we can take from Trump. He believes that nothing is impossible; that you can do anything, you can be a Reality T.V. star one day and President of the most powerful country the next. So I ask, why should increased gender, racial or religious equality be an impossibility even under a Trump presidency? Today is the type of day we have to say  ‘we may have lost the battle, but we haven’t lost the war’.

Who am I America? A woman who wanted to be respected but start from today I can expect everything from them, and I can’t even say something because my words doesn’t mean anything.

And who you are America?

When Americans say it was great I know it was good. When they say it was good, I know it was okay. When they say it was okay, I know it was bad.And today is the day that we are okay!!

The important job of American voters yesterday was  to determine which hearts, minds and souls command those qualities best suited to unify a country rather than further divide it, to heal the wounds of a nation as opposed to aggravate its injuries, and to secure for the next generation a legacy of choices based on informed awareness rather than one of reactions based on unknowing fear.Read again, and think if that famous “poet” Trump with his poetry was the best choice for America.

I can do anything!

‘I just start kissing them.

It’s like a magnet.

Just Kiss.

I don’t even wait.

And when you’re a star they let you do it.

You can do anything.

Grab them by the pussy.

You can do anything.’

Can he become a real president that America needs ?

 

Don’t run.

dusty_moths_by_nataliadrepina-d9facna

Dear Soul,

I know that with every single day you lose your breath. I am trying to create for you an abyss, maybe you can hide from this world.  If you can wait for me a little longer I will take you in that place where you should be. I can feel that you are afraid of this world, of these fake people who pretend to be real, afraid of this life. I can feel you in every single second. I am afraid too.

I know, you cannot breathe in this city, and I am so scared to lose you. Every single morning has the same reason, and you know that in your place it is autumn almost.  I close my eyes for a moment, in that only moment I feel how time passes through me. The sky dies in every single sunset, the sunset dies in every shade of moon, and I lose myself in the ocean. Just the ocean can listen how my soul sunken and cries out loud.

I can’t escape. Don’t run from me. I will give to you silence from shades of a moon, piano, sky, and ocean, but don’t run. I will give you peace, the one that you have been looking for. I will give you words, in all the languages. I will stay still with you until late, I will be honest and no one and nothing will change me.

I am nothing without you. I’m nothing, just bones. A lonely ghost burning down songs of violence, of piano, autumn, love, and sorrow. I’m just a broken piece.

Sometimes I just can’t breathe without you. I am so scared about this life and how people can use each other. I was used, and still, I have nothing to use. I am down, down.

I am scared that I will never find who I am. Who I am really? One day I will be so tired to wake up. I am so scared that I will never go where I want to be. I am scared to lose my soul.

I feel pain in all my body, like rust that is in all my bones, my veins and breathe even. I feel pain in my mind when I am trying to sleep. I have all my fragile spine broken, all my memories are broken. They ask me to smile, I can hide all my fears, of course, I can.

I know you want to run. If I could, I would run with you. But wait, this city won’t destroy us.

 

Fragile Spine.

slumbering_gloom_by_nataliadrepina-d87em2v.jpg

Avem frageda maduva spinarii, impartita-n spatii cu cutit,

Blestemati sa purtam in spinare, timpul in mii de secole impartit,

Respiratii taiate pana-n pamanturi, ne intalnim in luna si intr-un lac,

Unde seara la sfarsit de viata, ne ingropam cuvintele in veac.

Tu prea trista, obosita-n taina, raspunzi timpului grabit,

Eu mancata de singuratate, n-am nici liniste de apus si rasarit.

Plangem in roua diminetii, ce in soapta cade pe pamant,

Urma ei pe suflet ne tot lasa, amintire noastra si un gand.

Ne luptam in lumi tot diferite, si ne zbatem sa iesim la mal,

Radacini de toamna sufocata, esti spatiul care il mai am.

Si cadem in nostalgia toamnei, ne tot frangem intr-un apus,

Ostenite sa respiram printe cuvinte, sa spunem lumii ce demult n-am spus.

The last letter for my Soulmate.

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Stillness…

May I say something before I go?

I hold my breath, but you keep breathing. How come?

I’ve sent you my letter many times, anyway’s I think the wind took them. Please take this letter in earnest, because I will never write to you again, and not because I don’t have time, but because I am losing my hope in you, catch me soon. Tonight I am looking at the sky, and I feel how every single star has died in my eyes. I am so afraid that you could die at once with them. So afraid that I will never meet you, even if I said that I don’t believe in you anymore. There are probably many people who ponder this question

“Who are you?”. But what really bothers me is if I will meet you, could you be as in our first moment when we saw each other. Can you be soulful for all your life? The one who can fly, be scared, cry, die and live, who can love. The one who is not afraid to leave his body, his priority, who never will be afraid to breathe once with me, without having anything.

And if you can be real, can you promise me that you will never lie to me, that you will be transparent as a teardrop? Can you promise me that you will never give life to words if you don’t feel them in your veins? Can you promise me that you will never hurt my world?

Under my eyelash, I see the world somber, and I am tired of this cloudy sky, with every single day I am so far from believing in your shadow. I am walking alone on this earth, but I can feel your hand hold mine without any space. I know you will always be next to me, because in the night we reflect on the same moon, in the same sky. And the depth in our soul is a big abyss. I don’t know you but I can feel you, I know that I am falling deeply and slowly in your eyes with every sunset. You live under my skin, in my veins, through my bones. Sometimes you can hurt me and I have, in that place rust. But sometimes you can make me as happy as the sky, I don’t want to open my eyes.

I thought about you last night when lighting cut the sky and the sky started to cry. I saw your eyes, clear in my mind, almost as if you were looking right at me. Your voice was in my mind. Your touch was on my skin, almost like you were holding me close, and I felt under my skin every single touch. And I love how you listened to me when I talk about something, about nothing, about everything.

People complain about this life, and they lose time making themselves busy, they look down instead of looking up to the sky, up…to the sun. The world can’t hurt you if you stop seeing the happiness in the sky, in the world around you. We start to be pieces of a scar, walking every day on the same ground with the same tracks.

May I say something before I go?

It’s been a long time that I cannot breathe.

Be there.

 

Mom’, if in someday I won’t find you there, my world will disappear at once with you. Because you are the only one hope in my life that this world can be heal, the only one love, and the only one happiness. Always when I am tired, tired of my scares, of my mornings, of my life, I know immediately that I can run there, with all my soul and I can find you there. There is a different life, silence and love, and just me and you. Can you take me home, mom’? Please? I promise you that I will be so quiet. I don’t want grow up. Stop the time, because it’s hurts.

Don’t ask me how I am in this new life, I will write for you a letter and I will send to you all my feelings, and I will open for you my heart and my soul, but please don’t cry, because I cannot choose the words.

 

Somebody told me that we don’t choose our life. It’s right, mom ? Because you taught me that we make choices. We can make our life happy or sad, we can control everything, every single moment. We staying beside to our success, to our mistakes, to our sadness, to our happiness. Nobody can make choice in your life, if you don’t let this to happens. Who can be responsible of your life, if not you? Who have to care about your life? But sometimes we can have difficult moment , and in that moment, we thing that we are weary.

I been looking to find my life in every single minutes, and I tried to find the answer, and I will never give up until I will find my way, my way for arrive there.

She said that everyone was born to change the world, to be someone, to be everything.Everyone have a place in this life, have their own place, and when in one morning you will wake up with peace, that means that you find already your way, your place, and who you are in this life.

I am not strong enough how I want to be, but when I am done, I didn’t forget how my mother  taught me to feel this life with my closed eyes.And everything it’s going to be allright.

I don’t know who I am yet, but I know for what i was born, and I am still looking for my answer every single day.

Mom’ can you be there any times when I need you and when I will be looking for you.

 

 

Do not waiting for me.

Și dacă iarna va veni cu viscole-ntregi,
Iar poarta de acasă, va plînge cu rugină de regret,
Să nu te oprești, la geamul fără de lumină,
N-a lăsat nici o speranță, că o să vină.
            ***
If even the winter will come with full of snow storm,
And the door of our home will cry with rust of regrets,
Never stop in front of the window without light,
I didn’t leave a hope, that i will come back.

Mama, daca te-as fi intrebat intr-o zi.

Mama, daca te-as fi intrebat intr-o zi,

Ce sunt oamenii, ar fi  trebuit sa-i stiu ?

Caci intalnesc trupuri si hartii,

Se rup atunci cand incerci sa-ii scrii.

Mama, daca te-as fi intrebat intr-o zi,

Cand imi puneai apa la radacina cu copilarii,

Ce-i rasaritul impartit cu noi,

Daca in egal ne iesa unu in loc de doi.

Mama, daca te-as fi intrebat intr-o zi,

Din tot ce invatam, ce anume trebuie sa stim ?

Ca atunci cand nu mai esti,

Sa deschidem sufletele in carti.

Mama, daca te-as fi intrebat intr-o zi,

De ce mai strigam spre ale noastre copilarii,

Si daca este drumul inapoi,

Cu aceleasi carari si chiar aceleasi ploi?

Mama, daca te-as fi intrebat intr-o zi,

Cum sa traiesti corect, tu trebuie sa stii?

Si atunci cand suntem la margine de veac,

Se intampla sa aflam, ca n-aveam leac.

 

 

Ce rămânem după ea.

 

anina_bird_128_1_by_anina_bird-d64zf43.pngNiciodată nu o să ne facă timpul să simțim la fel, deși uneori o să zidim iluzii că am întâlnit perfecțiunea.Pentru că, ce rămânem după ce-am fost zdrobiți fără milă, după ce-am plecat sau am fost lăsați să plecăm, după ce-am căzut din cele 7 raiuri, după ce-am alergat cu visele împărțite la doi pe-un singur pământ, nu ne mai putem întoarce niciodată în timpul care am fost și după ce rămânem.

Și o să rămânem umbre de lună tristă, maluri de oceane rupte, picături de ploaie înecate, umeri prăfuiți fără săruturi, ziduri între spațiile dintre degetele ce nu se mai cuprind, buze de primăvară,acele priviri pe jumătăți, vioarele învățate cu rost, clape de pian prăfuite, răsărituri ascunse, case părăsite, pași cu pământul în ochi, voci înghițite, cărți mâncate, singurătatea la ceai.

Triști, pentru că ne-am rupt din inima rădăcina, ce a fost crescută de un an, doi sau zece.

Și-o să treacă răsăriturile revărsate în veșnicii, ca să înțelegem că și singurătatea are formă exterioară, printre mâinile zidite pe la spate, în picioarele care nu sunt obosite să-și pășească acelaș drum, zi de zi.Și acei ochii umpluți cu lumină încărcată de nopțile cu lună plină.O să ne alegem singurătatea, din simplu motiv că am fost dezamăgiți sau că am obosit să dezamăgim.Și-o să o iubim cu toate cele mii de firișoare, pentru că ea nu o să ne scoată niciodată din casa comfortului și nu ne va cere niciodată nimic.

 

Deși, într-o bună zi, v-om împărți visele cu cineva, oricum v-om fi singuri țînându-ne de mână și v-om simți spațiile în brațele ce ne cuprind.Sau v-om fi singuri cu o carte la o margină de lume, acolo unde nimeni, nicioadată nu îți va răsfoi trecutul.Și-o să rămânem trecuturi păstrate în cărțile scrise, o să zidim, o să povestim iubirea noastră care a știut să se ascundă uneori ca un copil mic și rușinat, în colțul inimii noastre.Între timp așezându-ne viața, lîngă sufletele care deși nu am vrut, dar s-au îndrăgostit de noi.Și o să rămânem, nu pentru că dorim, ci pentru că așa trebuie.Familii mari și fericite-n poze, cu priviri care răscolesc prin trecuturile triste.O să iubim ploaia, și o să ne petrecem nopțile rătăcindu-ne în conversațiile reci cu luna.O să alegem toamna ca unicul anotimp perfect pentru plimbările din seară.Și o să fim absenți, absenți.

O să publicăm prima carte, pentru a ne demonstra că încă nu ne-am uitat și nu ne-am pierdut.

O să ne păstrăm în biblioteca casei, în spatele cărților, acolo unde numai noi știm, de frică să nu ne vadă nimeni, și-o să ne citim pe ascuns.Ca la 60 de ani, să ne obosim nepoții cu iubirile din timpuri.Întâmplător, o să ne întîlnim nopțile, atunci cînd ne vom cufunda în oglindă lacului de lîngă casa, și v-om continua să numărăm 4 stele, pentru ca fiecare din noi să fie fercit.

O să ne trezim în răsărituri, și o să simțim cum sub genele noastre se scurg amintirile.Da, timpul o să ne mai aminteasca de noi, dîn când în când.

Și o să fim prea mulți, cei care nu mai cred în iubire.Noi, ăștia ce rămânem, nu v-om putea niciodată să fim prezenți aici și acum.

 

Dincolo de malurile unui ocean.

Rătăciți  în fața oceanului, ne pierdem puterea de-a ne ridica în fața unei lumi străine, și noi.Pustii și inundați de întrebări, ne râdem ironic amintindu-ne de cei care își spun că încă iubesc.

Ne frământa la fel cum oceanul își frământa malurile cu zgomot.Aici oamenii au uitat să se privească în oglinda sufletului.

Unde suntem, dacă mereu simțim că cineva ne caută ?

Unde suntem , dacă mereu simțim ca unele locuri ne cheamă?

Unde și când ne vom găsi pe noi înșine ?

În fiecare suflet există un ocean cu mare zbucium, un cer cu multe stele, și în fiecare privire trăiește umbra unei luni triste.

Suntem triști și zbuciumați în răsărituri și apusuri , pentru că de fapt suntem acolo unde nu ar trebui să fim.

Nu căutam bogăția și nici diplomele prăfuite pe rafturile unei case de vis, ci căutam pacea, atunci când risipim o viața după goana celor ce-am crezut că trebuie,ce-am crezut că e necesar, atunci … ne trezim intr-o dimineața și suntem triști, zbuciumați și aruncați pe malurile unui ocean flămând, și atunci ne întrebăm…ce-i fericirea și pacea interioară? Dacă avem totul și parcă nu avem nimic.

Ne jucăm cu zilele, fără să știm că le-am pierdut.Timpul nicioadată nu te iartă.

Și dincolo de tine,de mine și de noi, stau vise și suflete rănite, care în pasuri mici se vindecă și se fac.

Dincolo de zâmbetul tău, stau plânsete moarte.

Dincolo de un ocean imens stau valurile ce te inundă, dacă îți pierzi echilibrul.